Sam Rivers Chapter Two: Jessika
Riley’s Search
Jessika was franticly searching the
orphanage high and low for Tina. How she escaped the orphanage was beyond her.
The kids were never allowed to leave the orphanage, but Tina was gone. What was
going to make finding the small child difficult is that Tina never talked – to anyone,
not since Joseph died. She stopped smiling and talking; it was as if his death
was her own. Her only hope was that Tina would come to her if she recognized
Jessika’s voice. She didn’t blame Tina for running away; she couldn’t count the
times she wanted to do the same thing, but where would she go? She never had
the courage Tina seems to have. When Jessika was Tina’s age, she was afraid of
being out alone, in the dark, and lost with no place to belong. The only thing
that made her feel loved was Joseph. Unlike Tina’s childhood, Jessika grew up
with Joseph and his parents as her family. Many of the children, in the
orphanage today, felt as Jessika used to, but Tina was more afraid of what
would happen if she stayed. Jessika heard Tina’s muffled sobs late into the
night; she tried to comfort her, but Tina would push her away. Tina shut everyone
out. There was no joy, no laughter, and no hope within the walls of the
orphanage.
Jessika donned her coat and gloves before
leaving the building. She often went for the meager groceries she was sent to
purchase. Other than that, she was as much a prisoner as the children. Her
parents were killed in a traffic accident when she was Tina’s age, seven years
old. Unlike Tina, Jessika had fond memories of her life with her parents and
brother, Johnnie. She cringed as she remembered how much she loved her younger
brother. He died of pneumonia four years after they were placed in Cartwright’s
Home for Children. Back then, some children were fortunate enough to be
adopted. The Cartwrights did everything they could to help the wards placed in
their care find loving homes. They refused to split siblings up; therefore, it
was harder to find families to take them in. This was the case for Jessika and Johnnie Riley.
They were two years apart, in age, and looked like identical twins. Mr. and
Mrs. Cartwright didn’t have the heart to separate them. The loss of her brother
tore Jessika apart. The last of her family was gone, and she was left alone
with her memories to keep her company. She felt like Tina does now, hopeless.
Once the Cartwrights died, Jessika’s life became almost unbearable. Left in the
care of Joleen, anger filled her heart. She suffered survivor’s guilt; wishing
she had died with her family, or at least with Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright or Joseph.
They were her makeshift family; now, she had lost two families she dearly
loved. Being raised by the Cartwrights and hated by Joleen was difficult. The
love given to the children was tarnished by the hatred of a jealous and
petulant daughter. How could one child be filled with so much hate? The fact is
she made everyone else’s life miserable; now, that hateful girl was in charge
and ruining the happiness of all within the walls of the orphanage.
Jessika thought back to how it used to be with
the other three Cartwrights as a part of her life. She remembered the birthday
parties given to each child. They made a special day for each of the children
with gifts, cake and ice cream, and most of all, happiness. They all felt
loved. How can Joleen be so different from her family? Christmases were special,
too. Socks hung around the fireplace and were filled with different fruits and
nuts. The halls, bedrooms, and main hall were decked with Christmas decorations
making the home a festive place to live. A large Christmas tree was in the main
room, and the children got to decorate it as they pleased. Each orphan had a
Christmas present to open, and the day was filled with laughter as the children
played. Now, the halls and rooms are silent since Joleen preaches and enforces,
the “Children are to be seen and not heard” policy every day - all day. The
only time the children’s voices are heard, in whispers, is when Joleen goes shopping,
running important errands as she calls them, for herself. They also speak in
hushed whispers as they lay upon their beds at night. Joleen is in the other
wing of the home and can’t hear them; even still, the children speak in hushed tones,
so they won’t be heard beyond their doors. Joleen takes excellent care of the
part of the home she lives in, as well as the main rooms anyone might see if
they visited the home, and she neglects the rest of the building. It doesn’t
matter to her if everyone else is comfortable or not. There haven’t been
visitors in years; no one ever came; no one ever saw what slum conditions the
children were forced to live in. Jessika shook her head in disbelief.
As she walked slowly down the streets looking
in every nook and cranny for Tina, her mind wandered to the time happiness
filled the orphanage and children mattered. What a miserable life they all
lived, now. No wonder Tina ran away, but Jessika was worried about her safety.
She began to call out, “Tina, Tina, where are you? The weather is getting worse.
Won’t you please come to me?” Down one side of the street and up the next,
nothing. The wind was whirling about her making her clasp her coat and pull it tighter
to keep the cold out. The calamity of the wind’s voice swirled around her head
preventing her ability to hear anything else. She knew if she couldn’t hear
anything other than the loud moans of the wind, then the odds of Tina hearing
her were next to impossible. Again she called out to Tina; she couldn’t give
up. Tina couldn’t survive in this weather, and it was going to get worse as
darkness cast her shadow across the sky. The temperature was expected to fall
below freezing. Remembering the weatherman’s warnings about the dangers of
being out during the night made her hasten her steps. She called down every
alley; she asked those she passed if they had seen a young girl, alone. No one
had seen Tina. Panic began to fill Jessika’s chest and throat. It had been a
long time since she had had a panic attack, but she knew what was happening to
her. She put her back against the wall of a bakery and tried to calm her
breathing, but the strong, cold wind sucked the air from her lungs. She collapsed
on the sidewalk. Dread filled her as she struggled to get air into her lungs;
she took out her inhaler, but her hands were shaking uncontrollably; she
dropped the inhaler and began to shiver from within. She knew she was about to
pass out.
Just as her inhaler hit the sidewalk, a
stranger walked up to her and bent down to pick it up. He held it in his open
hand offering it to the lady in trouble. “Take this,” he said with worry in his
voice. “Take it slow.” He saw her hands shaking so badly that she almost
dropped the inhaler again. “Let me.” He held it up to her mouth as she opened
it to breathe the albuterol in. He squeezed the pump twice as she took two deep
breaths. He then took her shaking hand into his to ease her fear. Slowly, her
throat began to open up. Once she could breathe, somewhat, he helped her to her
feet and tried to direct her into the bakery, but she pulled away. She tried to
tell him she had to keep looking, but her voice was still paralyzed from the
panic attack. He guided her into the warmth and ordered hot chocolate for both of
them. Her hands still shaky, she pulled off her gloves and held the hot mug to
warm her hands. The heat felt good. She wanted to put the mug close to her
face, but she didn’t have the strength to do so, so she just held it.
“I am Dirk Bentley,” he said. He waited for
her reply, but it didn’t come. She sat there staring at him. “You had me
worried. Are you going to be ok?”
She nodded her head, then took a slow drink
of the hot liquid. It felt good going down her throat. The burning sensation
she felt as the air was sucked out of her was becoming less painful, and her ability
to speak was returning.
“What were you doing out there? It is way
too cold for someone in your condition.”
Fury flashed across her face. “Someone in MY
condition,” she echoed. “Who do you think you are?” she ranted in a raspy voice.
“Whoa, hang on there. I don’t mean to appear
insulting. I just meant with asthma, a day like today can cause problems. My brother
suffers from asthma, and I have seen him struggle as you were. I thought you
were going to pass out. If that happened, I don’t know how I would have been
any help to you.”
“You don’t know anything about me. I don’t have
asthma. Inhalers are used for other purposes, too.”
“Sorry if I spoke out of turn, but you scared
me.”
Laughing with disdain, “I scared you. I am
not the one that shoved you into a building when you didn’t want to go in. I
believe that was you.”
Irritated by her ungrateful nature, “I’d
say I am sorry I stopped, but I’m not. You were in trouble, so I did what
anyone would have done. As far as pushing you into this building with warm air
goes, I believed it is what was needed to help you recover from Whatever you
were suffering from.”
“This is getting us nowhere. I am glad you
stopped to help me, but I don’t need your sympathy or pity.” She got up, on
shaky legs, and headed for the door. “I am fine and will be fine. Thanks for your help.” She walked out of the
door without looking back.
His ire was boiling over. “What an
ungrateful shrew.” He blew air out of his lungs from sheer frustration. “Next
time, I will just keep walking.” He drank the last of his hot chocolate and
left the bakery in a fit of anger. As he walked towards his apartment, his mind
drifted to when he first saw the woman in trouble. He couldn’t see her face,
but he did notice her all-too-thin, frail body. He began to chastise himself
for jumping to conclusions. His first thought was that she was in trouble, but
then he judged her as a woman who couldn’t take care of herself. She was
obviously poor, undernourished, and sickly. Was his initial opinion of her
wrong? Maybe she was thin because she had been ill. Maybe her coat hung on her
like an oversized rag because she had been sick and lost too much weight. Maybe
she had a right to be mad. Did she pick up on what he was thinking? Was it
written on his face? Now, he became furious with himself. He knew his one great
human fallacy was his judgmental attitude. Then, he shook his head. There is no
way she knew what he was thinking. He ran the words he had said to her over in
his mind. He hadn’t said anything wrong or rude. He may have been a little judgmental
when he said, ‘someone in your condition’, but that was no reason for her to go
off on him like she did. He climbed the stairs to his apartment and went inside.
He decided it was time to forget about that woman.
Jessika was having trouble getting back to
herself. She was struggling to breathe, but she couldn’t give up her search for
Tina. Where could she be? Jessika didn’t have a clue as to where she should
look, and it was getting late, so she headed back to the orphanage. Maybe, just
maybe, Tina told one of the girls where she was going. If not, she knew she had
to pray for Tina’s safety through the night. If she called the police, Joleen
would fire her and kick her to the curb. What else could she do? Once she was
back at the orphanage, she asked all the children if they knew where Tina went,
but none of them even knew she had left. They thought she was hiding and
keeping to herself as she often did.
The night was long, and Jessika could hear
the wind howling outside as if it were an angry wolf killing its prey. Tears
streamed down her face as she thought of Tina being lost out in the harsh,
winter night wondering if she was safe. She vowed to go out again as soon as
daylight lit her way. She had to find Tina, and if she couldn’t, to the devil
with crazy Joleen. She’d go to the police station and ask for their help.
Early the next morning, Jessika bundled up
warmer than she did yesterday and set out to find Tina. She asked everyone she
passed if they had seen a little girl and described her coat, gloves, and knit
cap, but no one had seen her. She walked up and down every alley calling her
name, but nothing was her response. The wind had calmed down, but the bitter
cold would cut through Tina’s coat. Jessika knew if she went and asked the police
for help, she couldn’t go back to the orphanage. She didn’t know where she
would go, or where she could take Tina if they found her, but she knew they
were not going to go back to Joleen. She also knew that Joleen wouldn’t report
them missing; if she did, they’d see the way the orphans’ were forced to live.
Maybe that would be the best thing that could happen. No one ever went near
that place; they didn’t want to think about the children behind the walls, so
they shut the place and children out of their minds. The only thing that kept the
four young adults (ranging from 18 to 21), who grew up there, from reporting Joleen
was that they would be out on the street with nothing but the clothes on their
backs. Not one person would look at them much less give them a chance in life;
they’d be on their own – homeless and without a chance to survive. Fear was a
powerful weapon to use against anyone who talked.
Jessika walked until her legs became weak.
She knew she needed to go inside and sit down for a little while. Her face felt
frozen, and she had a mental image of a tiny child curled up in an alley somewhere
frozen to death. Tears began running down her face. They almost froze in their
tracks, so she wiped them away quickly. She had no money to buy a hot beverage,
so she didn’t feel comfortable going into a food shop. She kept walking until
she saw a sign for a kids’ outreach club – Boys and Girls Club of Wheaton Street.
She never knew that this club existed. As she walked in, she saw kids from every
nationality shooting baskets and having fun. They were off the streets and out
of the cold. This made her heart glad; she wondered if she might get lucky and
find Tina here. She walked around taking in everything; there was a mixture of
kids playing cards and dominos, doing arts and crafts, and setting up a long
row of tables with food and beverages. She realized that there were a lot of
city kids who might not get enough to eat at home and was grateful they had
this place to come to. In a corner, reading a book, she saw a small, familiar
figure. It was Tina. She ran to her and picked her up giving her a tight hug.
“Where have you been? I have been so worried
about you. Did you sleep here last night? Are they treating you well? I am so
glad I have found you.”
A startled young face turned away from her. “I
won’t go back, and you can’t make me.”
“I am not going back either. I ran away, too.”
Slowly and reluctantly, Tina looked into
Jessika’s eyes. “We don’t have to go back? Won’t Ms. Joleen be mad? Will she
call the cops on us?”
With a huge smile on her face, “No sweetheart,
we don’t have to go back. Who cares if she gets mad, and no, I don’t think she
will call the cops. They would see what she is doing and take everything away
from her.”
“Will they arrest her? Maybe we should tell
them to.”
Startled to hear Tina’s question, “If we do,
they will take you away from me and send you somewhere else. I don’t want that.”
Suddenly realizing that Tina was talking to her, she gave her a hug and kissed
her dirty face. “We will stay together; if that is ok with you.”
Tina’s eyes widened. “Yes. Oh, yes.” She
grabbed Jessika around her neck and squeezed as hard as her little arms would
allow. They talked about Tina’s small adventure, and Jessika was astonished at
how street-smart Tina was, especially since she had never been out of the
orphanage since she was dropped off there at four months old.
“Is there a girls’ restroom we can go to and
clean up? I don’t want the people here to look at us and cause us any trouble.
I think we will be safe here if we clean up a bit,” Jessika coaxed.
“Yeah. This way.” They both went in, and
Jessika washed Tina’s dirty face and used her fingers to brush through her hair.
“There, much better don’t you think.” Tina
smiled and nodded her approval. They walked around the club to learn what the
club offered to kids from the streets. Jessika hope to find rooms for them to
sleep in tonight, but there weren’t any. She began to worry about what they
would do when the dark nighttime fell upon the town. Amarillo winds can be
strong and blow non-stop. On a cold, winter night, that is not something she
was looking forward to. What she did know was that both Tina and she couldn’t
fit inside Tina’s cardboard fort. She would have to ask about other places that
offered shelter for those who were homeless hoping that it wouldn’t bring trouble
to both of them. The fear of declaring them homeless was all too real for
Jessika. The fear of having Tina taken from her and placed in another home sent
shivers down her spine. She decided she needed to think about the best way to approach
this problem for both of their sakes. In the meantime, a bell rang out and a
voice called for all to come and have a nice, warm lunch. Tina pulled Jessika’s
arm as she urged her to get in line. They were serving peanut butter sandwiches
with hot, chicken noodle soup and milk. Tina spotted another table with a few cakes
on it. “Can we get some of that, too?” Jessika nodded yes, and they both filled
their bellies with the warm lunch. This was the first time Tina had ever seen a
cake and didn’t know what it was; all she knew was it looked really good. Her
eyes lit up and the largest smile Jessika had ever seen beamed up at her when
Tina took her first bite of the sweet treat. “Yum, this is the best thing I
have ever eaten,” Tina declared. Jessika couldn’t stop the laugh that followed.
Jessika asked one of the club volunteers if
she had a phone book. The lady gave her one, and she searched for shelters. She
found nothing. The disappointment on her face was clear to the lady clearing
the tables. With Tina reading a book, Jessika offered to help with the cleanup.
She wanted to repay the kindness they had been shown. This had been the best meal
Jessika could remember in a long, long time.
“That isn’t necessary. Why don’t you join
your daughter and read her a story?” the kind lady asked.
“I want to help. Y’all didn’t have to feed
us, but you did, and I am truly grateful. Please, let me help. Tina will be
fine; she promised not to move from her spot.”
“I am, Alma Hernandez. I would love your
help.”
“I am”… she stammered not wanting to tell her
real name. She didn’t feel safe. “I am Jessika.” No last name was given. Alma
knew Jessika was uncertain of her surroundings and maybe the safety of her daughter
and herself.
“It is nice to meet you, Jessika. Your little
girl is precious.”
Not correcting her, “Thank you.”
They worked together keeping the conversation
on a safe topic. The longer Alma worked with Jessika, the keener her sixth
sense became. She waited until the kitchen help had left before she approached Jessika.
“I am not trying to pry, but I sense that you and your daughter don’t have anywhere
to go.”
Jessika began to panic when Alma reached out
and hugged her. Shocked, Jessika pulled away. “I don’t know what you mean,” she
barely got out.
“Honey, I have been here a long time, as long
as this boys and girls club has been open. I have seen my share of people in
trouble, and I see it in your eyes.”
Jessika wanted to run, but Alma stopped her. “Please, don’t be afraid. I
want to help you. I don’t have much in this world, but I do have a warm bed and
roof over my head. It is a one-bedroom flat, not much, but you and your
daughter are welcome to come home with me, tonight. You can both take a warm
bath and have a safe place to sleep. You don’t have to be afraid of me. I have been
where you are. Life is hard enough without people turning their backs on those
of us who are going through hard times. Please, you can trust me.”
Unsure of what just happened or what to say,
“I… I don’t, know.”
“I want to be your friend and help you. A few
years ago, I got very sick, but I didn’t have health insurance, so the bigger
hospital wouldn’t take me. They shipped me to the community hospital for the poor.
The health treatment isn’t good there. I was sick for a long time. When I got
out, I had been evicted from my home and all my possessions had been sold to
pay for some of the past-due rent. It was hard, nearly impossible, for me to
get a job. I didn’t have clean clothes and did the best I could to clean myself
in outdoor restrooms near the park, but no one would help me. I didn’t have an
address, a phone, or a place to sleep. I slept on a park bench until the police
ran me off. I found myself under trees in the woods. Where my story is
different from yours, I was homeless during the summer. That has to be easier
than sleeping in the cold, harsh, winter’s air. You see, I know you are afraid,
but you don’t have to be afraid of me. Ron, the owner of this club, took a chance
on me and gave me the job I have today. He let me sleep in the back of the
storage room, so I could save my money and get a better place to live. Because
of his kindness, not only do the kids have a safe place but so do I. I want to
pay it forward and help you and your daughter. Won’t you let me?”
Stunned to hear how freely Alma shared her
story with a perfect stranger, Jessika found herself drawn to this woman who
knows a little about what it is to have no place to call home. She looked over
to the reading corner and saw Tina laughing as she read her book. “If you are
sure. I don’t want to cause you any trouble or put you out.” Jessika, nor Tina, knew what it meant to
belong or to be wanted. This was a new experience for her. She remembered the
love her parents had for her, but as time ticked on, her memories began to fade
and the harsh reality she found herself trapped in took over.
“Wonderful. As soon as we are done here, we
can go.”
Jessika went to where her ‘daughter’ was and
quietly whispered to her. “We are going home with Ms. Alma tonight. She has
offered us a place to sleep. She thinks you are my daughter, so please, can you
play along so she doesn’t think something is wrong and call the police? If she
doesn’t suspect I have taken you, we should be ok.”
“But you didn’t take me. I ran away.”
“I know, but can’t we play along?”
“Ok.” Tina put her book down and asked, “Can
I come here tomorrow and finish my story? It is getting good.”
“We will see how tonight goes. If Ms. Alma
doesn’t mind, we can come back.”
Alma joined them and asked Tina her name.
Tina looked at Jessika. “Her name is Tina,” Jessika replied, although she had
already mentioned her name in the kitchen. Alma knew that Jessika was protecting
her child and wasn’t upset that Tina didn’t answer her question. She is a
stranger, and they must have gone through an ordeal being on the streets. They
walked home with Alma. She gave them towels and something clean to sleep in.
Tina loved taking a bath. Alma put some kind of bubbles in it that smelled
good. Once she was done, Jessika took a hot shower. Alma ordered delivery pizza,
and they had a hardy meal before making up the fold-out sofa. It was good to
sleep in warmth.
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